okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Randomize
