this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
