Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Randomize
