I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
