I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
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