You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
