I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
You need a sexual gate keeper
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
