why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
