I just pynch a tree in the face
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Randomize
