you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
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