Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
i love accidental penises.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
