Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
