these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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