New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Couch. On fire.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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