She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
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