You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
