when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Randomize
