but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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