Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
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