I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
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