Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Randomize
