I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
