She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
