I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Randomize
