Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
