porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
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