Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
