I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
