Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
