hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
