i don't like sucking hair
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
