alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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