Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize