what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Randomize