just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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