4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
