i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Randomize
