I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
