Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
