Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize