just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
