At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Randomize
