Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Randomize
