just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
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