I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize