i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Ketchup is God's man juice
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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