I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
