My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
i think im in europe. pls send help
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
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