C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
so that wasnt chicken after all
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
