i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I will pee on everything he values.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
