I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize