East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
