ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
