Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Randomize
