Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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