i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize