did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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