so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
