i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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