btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Ketchup is God's man juice
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
