meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
