I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
