you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Randomize
