my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Randomize
