Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
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