i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
They took my balls.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Randomize
