I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize