I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
foreskin is a definite game changer
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I need water and some morals
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
