You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
