we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
you will always have a special place in my vag
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
