Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I am mentally ready for anal.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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