if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
