I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
