I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
