good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
