I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize