Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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