I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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