ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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