i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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