Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
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