i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
