let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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