Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
