Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize