did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
