So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
