I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
