i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize